Looking Up

Looking Up

photo by Heather Rowland

You know how you’re in bed, and it’s time to get up but maybe you just want to stay a little longer?  How long is a little longer?  Who knows. There’s no perfect amount of time to stay in bed, only knowing it doesn’t have to be now is enough.  You just want now to be forever.  Or...maybe you want a little longer to be an entire weekend.  

You know how you’re walking along and you suddenly start to notice things? The trees are green.  And there are flowers in them! When did that happen?  Is it spring already? The old man you pass by on your commute looks older than ever before.  The sidewalks look more gray.  The air smells like jasmine. The temperature is not as harsh.  The man with the oxygen tank at the corner hasn't been there in a while...The snow is far away.  Up in the mountains.  You’re warm today.  How about that?

You know when you’re working and it’s already time to go home?  A few customers have come in and made some conversation with you.  And time took a walk with their words and returned at the end of the day.  Now the pastries are sold out, the last brew of coffee is ready to be poured out, and the floors swept and mopped.  How did the day go by?  Oh well, it was nice, wasn’t it?

You know those times where there’s that special someone you want to impress? And you put on that dress.  Maybe you wear that sweater.  That one strand of hair won’t stay put and it makes you scowl at the mirror. The lipstick color suddenly seems weird though yesterday it made your lips pop.  Maybe your boots don’t feel as spritely as they usually do.  Maybe even your rocket ship underpants don’t make you feel sexy.  Well, that’s okay because…

You know those times when you’re feeling just okay and then you see that special someone and they look up at you whole, from head to toe, from mind to soul, and tell you how beautiful you are?  Well, I guess your rocket ship underpants did work.  Or maybe you found someone that knows how to see you.

You know how that guy is engaged, and that girl is having a baby, and that other guy is married, and that girl got into grad school, and that guy got that big-boy job, and that girl lost 20 pounds, and that guy started dating that model, and that girl learned a new language, and that guy traveled the seven seas, and that girl can do the salsa, and that guy can make salsa, and that girl’s Instagram photo has more likes than you have followers…? Yeah, me too.

You know how your eyes drop and you start to think about other things, darker things.  The demons in your mind creep up and snag your hummingbird feelings, and suddenly you doubt the things you’re most sure of?  Well isn’t it nice when his big blue eyes senses it, sees it, and seizes it?  And he asks what’s wrong, and he listens to what’s wrong, and he says something that doesn’t fix it, but understands and accepts it?  Yeah, the demons don’t like that.  But I do.

You know when you have a sleepy day, a Dr. Seuss’ “I Am Not Going to Get Up Today!” day?  And you eat some things, and you nap some dreams, and you almost do the laundry?  And at the end of the day, you growl at yourself because productivity was non-existent?  Yeah, I feel terribly worthless on those days.  But flowers don’t bloom everyday, or so I’m told.

You know those moments where you think of all of the little things so the big things go smoothly and he notices so he says thank you for all of the little things and big things alike?  And he makes the little things big and big things gigantic?  And you learn there is no thing too small for him to appreciate and no thing too big for him to take on?  Those moments are nice and the the “Thank you’s” followed by a hug are of my favorite kind.

You know how you feel alone and down and lost?  Those are the times when the days lack color, the nights lack stars, and the bed lacks that sense of safety and comfort. It’s where a good night’s sleep lacks that restart trick it’s supposed to perform when you feel like you’re stuck.  It's when you try to move forward because you’re afraid to move back…But actually, what you’re really afraid of is that you don’t move at all.  And being so still even for a few moments is so numbing in a kind of terrifying way because everyone seems to be moving forward and you don’t want to get left behind.

I know that feeling.  And I just wanted to say that the color will come back to your day, the stars will shine at night, and the bed will be a place of refuge once again.  The reset button will work.  One day you’ll wake up fresh and bright.  And as you walk to your car, to the bus stop, to the grocery store, you’ll study those around you and wonder…

Do they know too?

Salt & Pepper

Salt & Pepper

The Flower in the Flower Pot

The Flower in the Flower Pot