Describe Your Perfect Date
I'm going to go ahead and dedicate this post to a reader of mine (you know who you are). He sent me a private message last night. I swear sometimes my readers can sense my darkest hours. I wanted to write something about the anxiety I get about first dates, but thought, "Who would want to read something stupid like that?" In the same minute, I received a message. It was a single person telling me that I had somehow impacted his life for the better, that me and my blogs meant a lot to him, and that he can't wait for the next blog. Well, Kind Sir, here is the next blog. It might not have been shared if it wasn't for your random message of kindness. Stay with me & I'll stay with you. Thank you & enjoy.
Sometimes when there is a particular person that I fancy, I begin to think about our first date. It’s ridiculous really. I might have only talked to a guy twice before I start fantasizing about our first outing. Well, fantasizing might be the wrong word. More like… frantically worrying about all of the strange formalities of a first date. There are so many bad case scenarios, and when you have an imagination like mine?
I became so overwhelmed last night just thinking about all of the ways a first date could go wrong. It became so outrageous that my heart was skipping beats, getting me all in a panic when I started to ask myself strange hypothetical questions about someone I hardly even know: What if he is a meth dealer but doesn't tell me? What if only takes me out because he has some weird Asian fetish? And God forbid, what if he doesn't think the color green is the most amazing thing in the entire world?
The dreary possibilities were endless. Luckily, my imagination doesn't always work against me. My head started to shake up my fears and pour a little magic inside. My thoughts started to challenge ideas and ask questions that made me wonder if I really am weirder than most human beings that roam the earth. (I know I’m not that special, but sometimes it feels like I’m the weirdest piece in the puzzle.)
So, my weird, positive!, but weird journey in my mind last night started with this question: What if the formalities of a first date were just… different? For example, what if a "normal" first date actually consisted of sitting next to someone and no words were to be spoken instead of the "normal" dinner and movie?
Yes. Let's explore this idea together now. Let go of the "normal date" structure, and open your mind to something else - don’t worry - it’s just for a minute. Just here on my blog, my online journal, my diary. It’s okay. This is a safe place. Let go.
What if he sat at a bench where you agreed to meet him. Then you sit down next to him, and the date begins. You start off on one side, far away from him. He’s clear on the other side of a the bench. You’re only sitting about two feet away from him, but it feels like you’re sitting an entire journey away from him. Time passes. You look at the same things. You see the same things. You watch the same things. Maybe you see something funny, and you laugh, and he laughs. Maybe then you scoot along the bench, a little closer to him. Just a little though. And maybe he looks at you, and you dare look back at him, and he smiles. And you both laugh, embarrassed. Because even though this is exactly a date that you are literally imagining in your head, first dates will always be a bit…awkward.
And then perhaps you think of something about you that he might not like. Maybe it’s the way you get so overwhelmed with life and your words speed upwhenyoutrytotalkaboutitandyoutrytosayeverythingthatyou’refeelingbutyourlipsjustwon’tmovefastenough. Maybe you think about the way you sing out loud when you’re alone in your car and even think that sometimes you sound good. Maybe you think about those ten extra pounds you’re quite sure you permanently gained for the rest of your life. Then maybe you get a little scared. What if that young man on the bench won’t like those things about you? What if your quirks, your shortcomings, your peculiarities are exactly what would make him get up off of that bench and walk away without looking back if only he knew about them?
But then… for once, loneliness finally comes to your aid. Because when you get discouraged, when you feel you might not be enough, when you think about him leaving that bench, you realize that you have to at least give this a try. You have to at least know you did what you could.
Maybe he won’t like you. Maybe he won’t like the way your hair looks in the morning. But you’ve been lonely. You’ve been roaming. You’ve been lost. And the "what ifs" don’t matter, because you turn and look at this man sitting next to you and he wants answers. His eyebrows are raised in a way that says, “What are you thinking? Why do you look so scared?” And you look down at his shoulder, and you just realize how tired you are. So you move slowly, with caution, with intention, and you lay your head on his shoulder. And then you breathe out because he didn’t shrink away from your touch. And then you breathe in, and you smell him. Now there is no turning back. If he gets up and leaves, if he stays… Either way, you’re going to remember exactly how he smells for a very long time.
And after an amount of quiet moments have passed - no specific time really because time doesn’t exist on this first date on the bench - you realize you are laying on the bench. Your head is on his lap. His arm is laying on top, wrapped around you. You look up, he’s looking out into the world. He looks down to meet your gaze and smiles. You smile back. You’re glad you agreed to sit on the bench with him tonight.
And that’s your first date. Not dinner. Not a movie. Not bowling. Your first date is just a physical one-question quiz.
Questions A: Is it okay if I sit close to you, touch you, lay here, and wonder?
Answer A: Yes. Yes it is. Lay as long as you want and need. I’ll be here.
On to quiz two. . .