Dear Good Friend
“Even if you want to write about him. Even if you want to talk about him. Even if you still love or miss him. You just shouldn’t. Because it makes you seem desperate. It makes you seem pathetic. It makes you seem vulnerable. You’re talking about how you feel like shit and it’s probably making him feel like he is the shit.”
This little comment above ^ was from a good friend. A friend that deeply cares about me. A friend that’s worried about me, my image, and me losing value as a single bachelorette.
And here is my answer to my good friend:
Dear Good Friend,
First of all, I know that writing about him can seem like too much information. I know it might be hard for you to read about the heartbreak I’ve been going through. But writing is therapeutic for me. I’ve tried not writing about him - but right now - he’s all I want to write about. So if I don’t write about him, I don’t at all. And if I don’t write at all, if I stop writing, it feels as if I’ve stopped breathing. It feels like suffocating. It feels like dying.
So I write about it. I write about him. I write about heartbreak. And you know what? I feel better.
Second of all, I’m not about to pretend to be okay when I’m not. I don’t play games. I’m not trying to “win” the break up. I’m not afraid to fall down, and I’m not afraid for people to see me fall. Taking the leap is something courageous, something to brag about, something to write about, something to share… but we all know that we don’t always land the jumps we take. I think it would be sillier to hide the falling and still highlight the jumps we do land. People are smarter than that. We say “I’m fine,” all the time, but we know better than that.
Third of all, I don’t think there is anything pathetic or desperate about hurting at the end of a relationship. In fact, I would be much more concerned and upset about myself if I felt nothing at the end of a relationship. Yes, it’s been over a month, but there is no length of time that makes it appropriate to stop being heart broken. The time will come, I am healing fast already…but yes, I’m still recovering.
I’m not ashamed that I fall fast, that I fall hard, that I fall in love with, perhaps, a strangely high level of intensity compared to what others seem to fall in love with. I’m not ashamed to be reluctant in letting someone I love getaway.
I don’t feel like shit. I feel calmly optimistic. Every day that passes brings me closer to falling in love again - yes, I know, Good Friend, Me Time is important. Being single is good. I am embracing it. But, I admit, I love being in love.
And if he feels like the shit. Well, I don’t think he does. I don’t think he was the type to feel big by making someone feel small. If my feeling like shit causes him to feel like the shit, well then I feel shitty for him, not because of him. But really, I think he’s got some bigger things to tackle for the moment. I think he has his own demons to worry about. . . For now.
Good Friend, I hope this answers your questions and concerns. Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for caring about me. And I just know this post will make you pull your hair out. Ha. Ha. Sorry i’m so stubborn. Sorry i’m so open. Sorry I can’t stop.
I love you & take care.
Your good friend,