Agree to Disagree
I did as I was taught. I pulled the shot. I had measured everything, timed everything, weighed everything perfectly. I poured the coffee and milk over the ice, and I handed you the plastic cup, unwrapped straw and all.
You smiled. I smiled.
You took a sip. You looked at me.
“Not really doing it for me.”
And you smiled kindly although the truth was not as kind.
And I smiled and nodded.
It was my first cup of coffee, an iced latte, that I had ever served. You could have lied and said it tasted good. You could have lied and said it didn’t taste bitter. You could have lied.
But you didn’t.
When we sat in the theatre, you talked about what you liked about trailers and what you didn’t. One trailer was scary, and I jumped and grabbed onto you like a sloth on a tree. I understand why I jumped. I understand why I was scared. I did not understand why you were what I reached out for. Embarrassed, I let you go. You smiled and laughed. When the movie was about to start, you told me that you were going to focus on the screen for the next three hours. And we both watched unaware that we were sitting next to each other. We were too busy watching Matt Damon science the shit out of Mars.
We ate messy burgers, and we ate the burgers just that way: messily. You ordered your burger without veggies, and you made a face at me when I bit into my burger complete with tomatoes, lettuce, and onion. And you told me that you don’t like romance, and that you believed in reason. I told you that I thought it was only reasonable to be romantic. I told you about the the sunk-cost fallacy, and you told me about opportunity costs. We had both taken an economics class and agreed that it applied to “love.”
Out of the many things we disagreed on, that was one of the very few things we agreed on…
In the car, you described me as genuine. You said that you liked looking at me. And you also told me that you appreciated the fact that I was smart.
Lately, so many people have called me genuine, I am starting to believe it. Well, I have always believed it (because I am!) just I’m wondering if people are starting to become aware of it and finally appreciate it. Have I finally lived my life long enough for one of my characteristics to be recognized as a top quality, as something truly desirable? Finally! I knew it wasn’t just an extra filler detail about myself. I knew being genuine would meet some worthy recognition one day (Twenty three years later…). Still, I’m yet to discover what genuity gets us genuine people. A kiss? A promise? A lie?
Having disagreed on so many things… We had discussed so many things. And we had been honest. I think. I knew I had been honest, at least. And though I learned you do not like what I like, and that you liked what I did not...I somehow found myself laying down, resting my head on your leg. And your hand swam on top of my shoulder and my arm and my leg. And I slowly started to understand why when I had been scared in the dark theatre I had reached out for you and grabbed onto your arm.
I felt safe. I felt looked after.
I thought about making my first cup of coffee for you that morning.
It just didn’t do it for you.
I wondered what you thought at that moment, with my head on your lap, listening to you talk freely about the time you went on that lovely hike in Asia, while tickling my shoulder with your fingers.
It was at this moment when I wondered if it was reasonable to ask...Is this doing it for you?