I've found myself in so many different situations.
I’m walking down Morgan. I take out my phone to call the man who invited me to the show. My phone dies. The street is black and so is everything else. The graffiti on the wall is beautiful in the day, meaningful in the day, but at night it scares me. I feel like I’m in a ghost town. C’mon, Jade, think, think, think. I remember the address. I can do this. I walk. It’s eleven o’clock at night in Brooklyn, and I am alone. What the hell am I doing? I see the right number. I buzz the apartment. The door opens. As I climb up the stairs, I hear the music. When I make it to the fourth floor, I hear the music buzzing through the walls. I open the door to a party. I feel like I’m in a laser tag jungle for adults. The bar tender had been waiting—he finds me. I can’t pretend not to be completely foreign to everything I’m seeing.
“Want to stand behind the counter with me? My girlfriend will be on soon.”
There is a second counter to my left. People are bending over and sniffing something into their noses. It looks like Pixie Dust. Something tells me this isn’t the Pixie Dust I’ve been looking for.
“It’s Coke.” The bartender realizes I’m staring at his friends. “You stay with me and the drinks,” he says. By the end of the night, I’m the bartender. The show ends. The party leaves. My new friend walks me to the subway.
“Follow the L to the 4. You’ll make it just fine,” he says. I do just as he says, and I make it home fine.
Lights. Camera. Action. Microphones. Speakers. Music. Judges. Dancers. It’s a dance off. They are not dancers. Everyone laughs. Everyone trash talks. Friends bribe the judges. The judges share the quality bribes (top bribes being guacamole and chips). I watch and laugh. They don’t know how to dance, but that doesn’t stop them. I feel like I don’t know how to live, and I hope that doesn’t stop me.
“It’s a reminder. I’ll let you keep it if you answer two questions.”
“What’s one thing in your life that you would change? Don’t answer out loud. Keep it to yourself.”
“…Okay. I’ve got it.”
“Okay. Now what’s keeping you from making that change happen? Again, keep it to yourself.”
“Okay. I got it.”
“Okay. Now remember change is constant. Sometimes, we can make the change we want. Remember to embrace change. Let it be your friend. Don’t let anyone or anything keep you from the changes you want to see in your life. Let this be a reminder. Keep the pendent.”
“You seem like a beautiful human. Don’t forget it, because I wanna see the changes you make.”
This young man shakes my hand and walks away. I look down at the silver triangle that is cut with a little circle beside it. I put it in my purse. I realize that I don’t ask myself enough questions. I’m thankful for the reminder. I'm thankful that, although i'm in a new city with new faces and new places, I'm still somehow not alone.